Ballet~is~the~universal~language

I need more ballet on my dashboard! :)

or is it just me…

this weekend i got sick and couldn’t perform as well, but i swear everyone thinks i was faking it. i really felt absolutely miserable. and this week i haven’t been going to dance because i’m injured and my teacher is trying to schedule stuff but IM INJURED! 

I just feel like all the older girls don’t like me. i feel like everytime i’m not there, and even sometimes when i’m there, i feel like they watch me and think that i don’t deserve my casting, or my level placement. 

once i get healthy i’m gonna go into class and try so hard i pass out.

Sometimes, I’ll act a bit silly in class, or not be focusing. Im 13, after all and sometimes I just want to be a kid. But then I get out of control and disrespectful. Plus I have terrible technique, and I can just see when my teacher watches the younger girls at my studio who are better than me, that proud look in his eyes. Then after I finish my variation, disappointment.
Does anybody else feel like this?

My teacher told me it’s customary to get my pas de deux partner a present for the show.

What should I get him?

He’s a guy dancer, likes piano, sushi, Mikhail Baryshnikov, Tobuscus….

and nothing too crazy, we’re just friends :P lol

Any cool dancer ideas? Maybe something Baryshnikov-related? maybe a gift card to a sushi restaurant?

please please help :( I have a month until the show.

So this was my schedule

• mopping my studio’s floor at 8:30
• pilates at 9:30
• competition rehearsal and class 12-2
• snow rehearsal 2:30-5

After falling at least once a day for the past week, I went on Discount Dance and bought some more Slip-No-More  (liquid rosin) myself. I had to go early and mop it onto the floor :/

I stunk in my variation rehearsal today :( I did Flames of Paris and I was messing up everywhere.

So then we had a marathon rehearsal of snow for 2.5 hours.

When I was Clara last year, I had two entrances in snow, and I came in on a sleigh at the end. This year, I’m dancing the entire snow pas de deux with my Nutcracker prince, then going straight into the rest of snow.

I have 4 entrances with my prince and two solos, and the one is not  just a little dainty solo. My teacher combined parts of different variations for this crazy, mostly pirouette combo that’s pretty short but when I come offstage from that I feel like I just ran a marathon.

then my next entrance, literally all pirouettes. like really my turns aren’t that good, i have no idea what my teacher is thinking O_O

and then i leave for 10 seconds then come back on for more promenades and partnering

then i leave for 20 seconds, come back do some more lifts, then a final pose with me in a penchee, which they’re thinking of changing to a shoulder sit O_O can i remind you that I started pas de deux like three weeks ago.

in year’s past, my studio’s Nutcracker has been about Clara traveling through the land of Sweets with Fritz. brotherly love 

this year it’s a love story. between me and this kid who I kind of dated and he was kind of my first kiss…

So I was trying to work on acting all in love and we were running through all of snow one last time. I was determined to try my best, put my soul into my dancing, and do all the lifts right.

It was all fine and dandy, then I do a simple jeté en tournament (tour jeté thingy) 

and….

i slammed down, landed on the side of my hip, and just totally face planted

it stung and i have a bruise, but it wasn’t that bad, but I was just so terrified and shocked and gaaah so I kind of started crying :’( it was really embarrassing. i was just being hormonal and scared but my coach ended the rehearsal and everybody was like ARE YOU OKAY and my prince was all trying to make me feel better

It was that moment when you just want to be alone, you know. I really didn’t want to cry. I wanted to get back up, laugh and finish the pas de deux on a strong note. but no, i had to be a drama queen and burst into tears :/

and then my nutcracker prince awkwardly hugged me and i went off to dinner…

long story short: i will now cut the satin off the platform of my pointe shoes and be more careful.

I feel like I haven’t been improving at all. I’ve hit a plateau. 

I’ve been feeling a lack of inspiration, and when I see all the amazing dancers at my studio, I feel like I’ll never get there, especially because of my flat feet. I’m rarely over my box when on pointe.

I just need some inspirational words or something. Help me out?

I just want to try a competition like YAGP, to see how I do.

Also, I’ve been asking for private lessons for a year now and he still hasn’t scheduled anything or talked to me about it, yet he’s been giving other people and gymnasts who have never even danced at his studio privates every week….. :( i just want to dance! 

Is this normal?? What’s going on?!???

I am crying right now! 

He was saying something about how I couldn’t of a lot of the jumps in some of the variations I’ve learned, but that’s because he never even taught me them!!!!I am 13 taking classes with 17-year-olds and he never stops to explain anything! 

There’s this other girl who’s 16 and he’s explained many steps to her and now he’s taking her to YAGP next year…. I am younger and TERRIBLE so why won’t he CORRECT ME?! I’m not a prodigy! He can’t just show me a step on YouTube and expect me to do it perfectly. I need coaching! That’s why I go to class 16 hours a week!!!And I’m not getting taught!!!! And I am willing to pay any price to get some FREAKING PRIVATE LESSONS!!!! So why do random gymnasts get that privilege? 

I want to be a dancer! THAT’S ALL I LIVE FOR!!!! And I don’t think he believes in me. :’(